I spent my Saturday today attending a workshop about creating blogs in the classroom, so I thought it would be a good idea to create a personal one as well. Lately my life has been dominated by this work/personal life divide. Trying to balance the insanity of maintaining a career and being a good mommy is a very difficult task. Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy for even attempting it.
The problem is that I really enjoy my job. I am lucky enough to be a French and English teacher at a wonderful high school. This is my fifth year at this school (11th of teaching) and I still feel passionate about teaching after all this time.
Before I gave birth to Maia, I never imagined myself a stay-at-home mom. Somehow, I never predicted how painful it would be to leave my child on a regular basis. I also never thought that my parenting style would be attachment parenting, which makes the logistics of leaving your baby much more difficult.
I feel like an indecisive wimp because each school year after her birth, I have told myself that it would be my last year of teaching. Yet in the springtime when all the plans are being made for the next year, I cannot bear the thought of not being there. Every fall I regret the decision I made and feel horrible, yet I somehow repeat the pattern. Luckily, she is only 2 years old, so I have only done this two times! I suppose it could be worse.
This year, I am telling myself that this is my last year of teaching for a while. Whether or not I have another baby, I want to spend some time home with Maia. I want to be the one to drop her off at pre-school and arrange play dates with the other mommies. More importantly, I want to be entirely present for her. I guess teaching can wait. It will still be there when she is in school all day, and there will always be a classroom waiting for me when I am ready.
I just wish this decision were easier. I am sure other moms have gone through a similar situation, but sometimes I feel that I am the only one.
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