I intend this post to be an apology to all my friends who I have not called back and who I miss desperately but keep forgetting to email! You know who you are!
Having an infant to take care of really changes one's lifestyle. For me, it's all about sleep, and finding the time to get some. Luckily, Yoshi is very helpful in that regard, but since I'm the one feeding Tai, I have to wake up a lot during the night.
This might be the time to mention that besides the usual challenges of having an infant to take care of, we are going through some pretty tough breastfeeding issues. To put it briefly, although Tai latches on and sucks, he fails to get enough milk. This is the exact same thing that happened with Maia when she was his age. We did not figure out what was going on with her until she was a bit older, and she had a very fussy beginning to her life. The poor thing was always hungry! With our second baby, I'm more no nonsense in my approach. Tai was fussy for exactly two days before I gave him his first bottle of formula.
With that said, I'm still committed to breastfeeding. It must be that part of me that went through with a natural child birth despite the ultrasound that predicted a 10 lb. baby. I have a love/hate relationship with that aspect of my personality. When Maia was little and I briefly gave up the idea of breastfeeding her, I cried all the time and am sure that I had a little post-partum depression as a result of everything not turning out the way I had envisioned it. In the end, I got her to breastfeed again, but it was not an easy thing. I had to express milk with my pump all the time to build my milk supply back up. She also had a cranio-sacral adjustment. By some miracle, it worked, and I nursed Maia well into toddler hood.
Things with Tai are not too desperate yet. We went to an osteopath who gave him a cranial-sacral adjustment, and it did the trick. He was nursing like a champ, but the effects lasted less than a day. After that, he was back to his old self. I've heard that happens sometimes, and that you have to go multiple times. We have another appointment for this Monday. The doctor is out of town until then, or else I would be insisting on an appointment sooner. I hope this time the effects last longer, because I am getting running out of energy maintaining my current routine of trying to nurse, pumping, and bottle feeding. It is truly the worst of all worlds. Luckily, I'm familiar with pumping from my time as a working mom, and when I did it with Maia, so I can express milk pretty easily.
Right now I'm trying to look on the bright side and the long-term picture. Tai is so beautiful and happy. He has gained weight well and the pediatrician has no complaints. I am able to feed him all my own milk with the exception of a bottle of formula at night. He is still willing to try breastfeeding despite the fact that he gets very little milk that way. All of these things are reassuring and give me the motivation to keep up with my grueling schedule. Eventually, he will figure out how to nurse correctly (hopefully with the help of a couple more adjustments.) I know it will all work out.
And if it doesn't, I'm not going to freak out again. I have many friends who I respect that bottle-fed their babies. Their children are delightful and intelligent. I can observe no long-term affects of them not getting breast-milk. Speaking of which, both Yoshi and I were formula-fed as were most people born in the '70's. We've all turned out just fine if I do say so myself! It's just that not breastfeeding was never in my paradigm of motherhood. I've always believed I would do it, and not being able to is hard for me emotionally. But just as I was willing to have a c-section if it would have been the best thing for Tai, I am willing to formula feed him as well. I'll try as hard as I can, but if it doesn't work, I'm not going to cry this time. I'm just going to focus on my little man's well-being, not my own idealized notions of everything motherhood should be.
So to all my friends I have not been a good friend to lately, just hold on. I'll be back to myself sooner rather than later. Thank you for understanding my little neurosis that I have, and for not calling me crazy. Your support and friendship mean so much to me!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Life with Tai
We are all adjusting to having a new baby in the house, and we are so excited! Maia has had a couple of melt-down moments, but she is a great sport overall. I keep reminding her that soon she'll be able to interact with her little brother much more.
There's always room for two on momma's lap.
Maia asks to hold her baby brother every two minutes or so. She is quite enamored with him.
While I was in the hospital, Maia learned to write her name. Now she writes it over and over on individual pieces of paper. This takes up hours of her time.
Yoshi likes to hold Tai when he is sleeping. He is a very sweet daddy!
Our little man nuzzling on daddy's chest. What could be more adorable?A Very Different Birth Experience
Well, I got my natural childbirth. Although I wasn't in full labor, I went in on Wednesday afternoon ready for baby Tai to come out. At that point, he was 10 days overdue and I had been having contractions on and off for days, but they would go away.
We checked into the hospital and the doctor broke my water to get labor going. Within a couple of hours, I was feeling the pain, but it was not much different from when I had Maia. With the help of my friend April who is a midwife and doula, I kept it together and breathed through all of the contractions. Finally, I was fully dilated and ready to push.
That is when the hell began. With Maia, it only took 45 minutes to push her out. It was intense, but since it didn't last that long, my memories of it are positive. This was not the case this time. Taira's head was huge and he was facing the wrong way. As a result, he got kind of stuck. I had no desire to push, but I did it anyway. I was getting nowhere. After a couple of hours, I was laying on the bed exhausted. The energy to push had left my body. Nobody actually uttered the words, but the air was full of it, "c-section." I knew I didn't have much time left, and honestly, I did not care. The baby needed to come out.
From out of nowhere, came a woman's voice. It sounded familiar, but I was so out of it it just sounded like mumbling. I heard something about squatting. Suddenly I was moved off the bed and placed in a squatting position with Yoshi supporting me. A couple of pushes in that position, and I felt the familiar burning sensation. The baby was coming out! Time to wake up my doctor who was napping on the couch. No I'm not kidding. I somehow found the energy for a few more pushes and out came my sweet baby boy. I wish I could say this is the end of the story, but it isn't.
When Tai was born, he was not breathing. The cord was wrapped around his little neck and body several times, and he was blue. I was kind of out of it, but April told me, "Roula, talk to your baby. Call his name. You're connected." Then I realized what was going on. I did what she said, and Yoshi tried to keep me calm. Luckily, it was less than a minute. Lots of nurses and doctors came running into the room. Oxygen was administered. All of a sudden, we heard a cry. He was okay!!!
Yoshi and I were a bit traumatized by this experience. It makes me wonder if something was wrong before and that is why my body never went into full labor by itself. Maybe I should have had an induction much earlier. In any case, Taira is here now, and he is happy and healthy. Given the hard labor and tenous start we had, we are so very grateful for this fact.
We checked into the hospital and the doctor broke my water to get labor going. Within a couple of hours, I was feeling the pain, but it was not much different from when I had Maia. With the help of my friend April who is a midwife and doula, I kept it together and breathed through all of the contractions. Finally, I was fully dilated and ready to push.
That is when the hell began. With Maia, it only took 45 minutes to push her out. It was intense, but since it didn't last that long, my memories of it are positive. This was not the case this time. Taira's head was huge and he was facing the wrong way. As a result, he got kind of stuck. I had no desire to push, but I did it anyway. I was getting nowhere. After a couple of hours, I was laying on the bed exhausted. The energy to push had left my body. Nobody actually uttered the words, but the air was full of it, "c-section." I knew I didn't have much time left, and honestly, I did not care. The baby needed to come out.
From out of nowhere, came a woman's voice. It sounded familiar, but I was so out of it it just sounded like mumbling. I heard something about squatting. Suddenly I was moved off the bed and placed in a squatting position with Yoshi supporting me. A couple of pushes in that position, and I felt the familiar burning sensation. The baby was coming out! Time to wake up my doctor who was napping on the couch. No I'm not kidding. I somehow found the energy for a few more pushes and out came my sweet baby boy. I wish I could say this is the end of the story, but it isn't.
When Tai was born, he was not breathing. The cord was wrapped around his little neck and body several times, and he was blue. I was kind of out of it, but April told me, "Roula, talk to your baby. Call his name. You're connected." Then I realized what was going on. I did what she said, and Yoshi tried to keep me calm. Luckily, it was less than a minute. Lots of nurses and doctors came running into the room. Oxygen was administered. All of a sudden, we heard a cry. He was okay!!!
Yoshi and I were a bit traumatized by this experience. It makes me wonder if something was wrong before and that is why my body never went into full labor by itself. Maybe I should have had an induction much earlier. In any case, Taira is here now, and he is happy and healthy. Given the hard labor and tenous start we had, we are so very grateful for this fact.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Say What?
I went to my overdue baby check-up today, and feel a little confused by the results. First, they hooked me up to a fetal heart-rate monitor for about 20 minutes to make sure the baby’s heart rate was okay. The results were very good. After that, I had an ultrasound primarily to make sure that my placenta was still working well and that the baby was not under any duress. That also looked good, but when they measured the baby’s size, things took a turn for the worse. The ultrasound technician called the doctor in to confirm her results, and he seemed sure she had miscalculated something. Much to my chagrin, she was right. According to the ultrasound, the baby is over 10 lbs!!
I ran up to my doctor’s office in a panic. Even though I didn’t have an appointment, he got me in and we talked. I feel a little better now, but am still incredulous that this is happening to me. Basically, we are going to wait a bit longer and see if labor starts naturally. The baby won’t get that much bigger over a week’s time. If I wanted to, I could have a scheduled c-section, but I am not interested in doing that. I can also have an induction and try to deliver vaginally, but I would almost certainly have to get an epidural because it would be really painful, and sometimes this leads to a c-section anyway. At this point, an epidural doesn’t sound so bad, but I would really prefer to have the baby with no interventions like I did with Maia. Of course, all I want is a healthy and happy baby, and even if that means a c-section I will make myself be okay with that. I just want to try to deliver vaginally first. Let’s hope I go into labor soon!
On a different note, my doctor said that sometimes ultrasounds can be a bit incorrect, so there is hope that the baby won’t be 10 lbs. after all. Maia was not big. She was only 7 lbs. 3 oz, so this news was quite shocking. I can only hope and pray that I will go into labor within the next few days and be able to deliver my (not quite so) little guy without resorting to a c-section.
I ran up to my doctor’s office in a panic. Even though I didn’t have an appointment, he got me in and we talked. I feel a little better now, but am still incredulous that this is happening to me. Basically, we are going to wait a bit longer and see if labor starts naturally. The baby won’t get that much bigger over a week’s time. If I wanted to, I could have a scheduled c-section, but I am not interested in doing that. I can also have an induction and try to deliver vaginally, but I would almost certainly have to get an epidural because it would be really painful, and sometimes this leads to a c-section anyway. At this point, an epidural doesn’t sound so bad, but I would really prefer to have the baby with no interventions like I did with Maia. Of course, all I want is a healthy and happy baby, and even if that means a c-section I will make myself be okay with that. I just want to try to deliver vaginally first. Let’s hope I go into labor soon!
On a different note, my doctor said that sometimes ultrasounds can be a bit incorrect, so there is hope that the baby won’t be 10 lbs. after all. Maia was not big. She was only 7 lbs. 3 oz, so this news was quite shocking. I can only hope and pray that I will go into labor within the next few days and be able to deliver my (not quite so) little guy without resorting to a c-section.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Frustration!
It is now 5 days and counting after my little boy's due date and he has yet to make his appearance. I would have been more at peace with this if I didn't have some contractions on Wednesday that made me think labor was imminent. I was so sure the contractions were not braxton hicks, but the real deal. Unfortunately, they went away, and I've only had an occasional one every now and then since that night. I know this is completely normal, yet I feel a bit of frustration.
Since going into labor is now a real possibility at any second, I can't be very independent anymore. It is also 3 degrees right now, and that makes everything much more complicated. Thursday morning Yoshi went to work for a couple of hours to get everything organized, and Maia started crying uncontrollably about having an ear-ache. As this was going on, I had some contractions. I called the doctor to schedule an appointment (we never went last time because her cold improved drastically), and they could not get her in until later that afternoon. I was pretty frantic at this point, sure that I would have the baby before we could get her to the doctor's and that Maia would be miserable with an ear-ache the entire time we were away at the hospital. Yoshi came home and we took her to the doctor. It turns out the pressure change from the cold front coming in can cause ear pain. I had never heard of this before, but apparently it is quite common. Yoshi predicted that was what it would be, and he was right! So I left the doctor's office feeling rather ignorant but relieved that it wasn't anything serious.
Today Yoshi stayed home from work to be close in case anything happened, and I didn't have a single contraction! By the end of the day I was so stir-crazy that I took Maia to story time. It was a bit tough because I can't get around that easily anymore, but I couldn't take sitting home any longer. Yoshi volunteered to come, but I assured him that this was a safe outing since the library is only four blocks away. My friend Greg would also be there with his daughter, so I felt confident that if anything were to happen, I would have someone there to help. Luckily, I did not go into labor at the library.
Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital to have a stress test on the baby. Basically, they want to make sure that all is still well and he is still feeling good and happy. I'm sure I'll pass, but if I don't, they will induce labor right away. Yoshi is going to be off again and is going with us to the test. I am tempted to encourage him to go to work after that, but I know the second he leaves, I'll probably go into labor. Life can be like that sometimes!
As I have been typing the last couple of paragraphs, I've had a couple of strong contractions again, but I'm not getting my hopes up this time. I'm going to finish eating my chocolate cake and go to sleep! We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Since going into labor is now a real possibility at any second, I can't be very independent anymore. It is also 3 degrees right now, and that makes everything much more complicated. Thursday morning Yoshi went to work for a couple of hours to get everything organized, and Maia started crying uncontrollably about having an ear-ache. As this was going on, I had some contractions. I called the doctor to schedule an appointment (we never went last time because her cold improved drastically), and they could not get her in until later that afternoon. I was pretty frantic at this point, sure that I would have the baby before we could get her to the doctor's and that Maia would be miserable with an ear-ache the entire time we were away at the hospital. Yoshi came home and we took her to the doctor. It turns out the pressure change from the cold front coming in can cause ear pain. I had never heard of this before, but apparently it is quite common. Yoshi predicted that was what it would be, and he was right! So I left the doctor's office feeling rather ignorant but relieved that it wasn't anything serious.
Today Yoshi stayed home from work to be close in case anything happened, and I didn't have a single contraction! By the end of the day I was so stir-crazy that I took Maia to story time. It was a bit tough because I can't get around that easily anymore, but I couldn't take sitting home any longer. Yoshi volunteered to come, but I assured him that this was a safe outing since the library is only four blocks away. My friend Greg would also be there with his daughter, so I felt confident that if anything were to happen, I would have someone there to help. Luckily, I did not go into labor at the library.
Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital to have a stress test on the baby. Basically, they want to make sure that all is still well and he is still feeling good and happy. I'm sure I'll pass, but if I don't, they will induce labor right away. Yoshi is going to be off again and is going with us to the test. I am tempted to encourage him to go to work after that, but I know the second he leaves, I'll probably go into labor. Life can be like that sometimes!
As I have been typing the last couple of paragraphs, I've had a couple of strong contractions again, but I'm not getting my hopes up this time. I'm going to finish eating my chocolate cake and go to sleep! We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Day One Post Due Date
It appears that our little boy is not interested in arriving on his due date like his big sister. It is Sunday evening, and still no sign of him. I am hanging in, but finding life as a woman who could go into labor at any minute a bit tiresome.
Things that would be completely normal, like going to Target alone when it is snowing are now forbidden by my concerned husband. I guess there is the danger of going into labor while stuck in traffic or something, but I hate feeling like an invalid.
Today I stayed in my pajamas all day despite the fact that two neighbors came by to visit. I also had a nice long nap. Poor Maia is sick with a cold and has a temperature, so she was awake coughing last night. I didn't get to sleep very well either, so the nap was a good opportunity to catch up on some rest.
Tomorrow Yoshi will be at work, and I have an exciting agenda planned: visit my neighbor who bakes the most amazing cinnamon rolls (she has promised me some), go to Target, and possible take Maia to the doctor's. If she is feeling better, we may even go grocery shopping. Yes, I know all of this is absolutely titillating. Let's hope the weather cooperates.
On a more serious note, I'm really worried about Maia's cold not being gone by the time the baby comes. It's going to be impossible to keep her from touching and holding him, and colds in infants are a frightening thing. Hopefully the doctor will have some insight tomorrow.
Apologies for the boring nature of this post! I guess all I can say is that boring updates are better than no updates at all!
Things that would be completely normal, like going to Target alone when it is snowing are now forbidden by my concerned husband. I guess there is the danger of going into labor while stuck in traffic or something, but I hate feeling like an invalid.
Today I stayed in my pajamas all day despite the fact that two neighbors came by to visit. I also had a nice long nap. Poor Maia is sick with a cold and has a temperature, so she was awake coughing last night. I didn't get to sleep very well either, so the nap was a good opportunity to catch up on some rest.
Tomorrow Yoshi will be at work, and I have an exciting agenda planned: visit my neighbor who bakes the most amazing cinnamon rolls (she has promised me some), go to Target, and possible take Maia to the doctor's. If she is feeling better, we may even go grocery shopping. Yes, I know all of this is absolutely titillating. Let's hope the weather cooperates.
On a more serious note, I'm really worried about Maia's cold not being gone by the time the baby comes. It's going to be impossible to keep her from touching and holding him, and colds in infants are a frightening thing. Hopefully the doctor will have some insight tomorrow.
Apologies for the boring nature of this post! I guess all I can say is that boring updates are better than no updates at all!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Happy New Year!
I just realized that I haven't posted anything in a couple of weeks. The holidays threw off my schedule and then Yoshi has been home for a couple of weeks as well. When he is home during the day, I find that I have less time to blog!
Quick Updates:
Our basement is nearly finished! This morning we are waiting for two inspections, and if they are approved, that means the bathroom part is all done! This was the most challenging part, and all Yoshi has left to do is sand some drywall and paint in the family room! Then we can enjoy the fun stuff, like ordering carpeting and decorating. I guess that will be my job. I think I can handle it even though our baby will be in the picture by then.
Speaking of which, my official due date is this Saturday! At my weekly doctor's appointment, the doctor said he didn't think that I would have the baby this weekend because I'm only a centimeter dilated and my cervix is still quite long. Apparently, I need to have more contractions. I'm so surprised by this news, because I'm ready for the baby to come out. Plus, second babies are generally said to come early, not late! I will update again soon!
Quick Updates:
Our basement is nearly finished! This morning we are waiting for two inspections, and if they are approved, that means the bathroom part is all done! This was the most challenging part, and all Yoshi has left to do is sand some drywall and paint in the family room! Then we can enjoy the fun stuff, like ordering carpeting and decorating. I guess that will be my job. I think I can handle it even though our baby will be in the picture by then.
Speaking of which, my official due date is this Saturday! At my weekly doctor's appointment, the doctor said he didn't think that I would have the baby this weekend because I'm only a centimeter dilated and my cervix is still quite long. Apparently, I need to have more contractions. I'm so surprised by this news, because I'm ready for the baby to come out. Plus, second babies are generally said to come early, not late! I will update again soon!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)