Since Maia has entered my life, every action I take and every decision I make has taken on broader implications than it ever has before. Always in the back of my mind is the nagging question, "Is this the lesson I want to teach my child?" This is the case for both simple things and those that are truly moral conundrums. I think this is the natural growing up that happens when you are responsible for another human being. Suddenly, everything takes on a more profound meaning.
One thing I have giving much thought to this holiday season is the notion of Santa Claus and presents. Yoshi and I agreed a while ago that we would follow the American Christmas customs, so Maia believes in Santa. Neither of us were raised that way, but we don't want to deprive Maia of the excitement and joy that believing in Santa brings. Unfortunately, as she gets older, it's very hard to separate the notion of Santa Claus from the idea of an overly materialistic culture. Were it not for the Santa myth, we would probably buy her a present or two for Christmas and that would be the end of it. Instead, I find myself asking, "Did I buy her too much/little?" and "Will she be spoiled/disappointed?" There seems to be no middle ground.
The truth is that I know Maia will be elated when she opens her Christmas presents. We did not go overboard this year, but we got her two big presents and some smaller things she will enjoy. My worry is what will happen when she compares stories with her friends. Some parents go crazy this time of year and spend hundreds of dollars on their children. Will she wonder why she didn't receive as many presents and feel that she is not as good as the other kids? This thought bothers me, but the thought that she will grow up feeling entitled to anything she wishes for is even more disturbing. I don't want her to be spoiled, yet the idea that she may feel deprived in any way makes me shudder. When I was growing up my family was on the poor side. I didn't get much of what I wanted until I got a job at 16 and started buying it for myself. The odd thing is, I don't remember feeling bad about this or wanting things I couldn't have. The exception was clothing, which is why I got a job and started shopping for myself! Being dressed funny when you are over the age of 10 makes life hard.
While writing this, I've been thinking about something that Maia's preschool teacher said that resonated with me. One day as I was dropping her off, we chatted for a second, and she said "Maia always has a good time and is so enthusiastic about everything." This made me smile as I was much the same way as a kid (and even now.) I have always adored school. But I digress... The other thing she said was, "Maia is very comfortable with herself and knows who she is, which for a child her age is extremely rare." This comment brought tears to my eyes, because as a parent, I can't think of anything I would like to hear more. It means that she will be okay even if she doesn't get as many presents as the neighbors, and that she will not define herself by her possessions. In writing this reflective post, I seem to have answered my own question.
Dilemma over. I'm off to bed! Happy Holidays to everyone if I don't post again before Christmas!
1 comment:
That sounds like a tough situation. I don't remember ever comparing gifts with others when I was a kid but I guess times have changed. But Maia really sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders so my bet is that it'll all be fine.
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